But The Glass Always Breaks

So I am keeping up on my resolution….yay at least I’m doing something right! So this week has been bittersweet. It’s my last first week of school and honestly, all i’ve been feeling is estatic. There’s probably like 118 days of school left now, but who’s counting really? After the first week hit, I realized how much I HATE this place, and also how much I am going to MISS this place. For 5 years, this school has given me a roller coaster of a ride, a ride which I will never forget. It blessed me with amazing friends and chilling experience. It has given me lots of success, but many failures as well. Now that it’s all about to be over, I can finally breathe and say that I made it through this storm and can leave this place with the intention of never coming back here. (Except maybe in 10 years from now when I will bring my future daughter and warn her to never go this school) 

In case you can’t tell…I AM READY TO BE DONE AND READY TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Also, my school charges you $75 regardless of whether you go to graduation or not! How ridiculous is that?

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One Chance To Keep From Falling

Well I made it my resolution to write. I have so many things going on in my mind that it just seems best to write all these thoughts down. I have learned that writing down thoughts is not only therapeutic to the writer, but also to the reader. I find myself scrolling the many wonders of the Internet and my heart melts when I see something that resonates perfectly with me. There is a comfort in knowing that your feelings are shared with someone else. There is a comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone and that there are others like you.

Well, this is a year for new chances and new beginnings. I am graduating. Holy cow! It really starts to hit you when you realize that you have only 129 days left. I get to graduate with a degree that is pretty much useless, but this is a new year and a new me…so I am not going to stop myself from the limits of the world.

I’m taking the GMAT next month. Woah. I’m applying to MBA schools. Woah. Granted this wasn’t always my plan, but plans are meant to change aren’t they? Apparently it is recommended to study around 120 hours in order to do well in GMAT….WOAH! I studied about two hours, so I guess I am 1/60 of the way done (see my math skills). However, the more I understand and answer questions, the more comfortable I feel knowing that if a question similar to this came on the test, I would get it correct.

Send some well wishes my way!

DON’T NEED ANOTHER PERFECT LIE

 

 

Ever look into the eyes of someone you trust and find compassion in them? Look closely, for you may have not seen them wince.

It just doesn’t make sense. How can someone give you confidence and understanding when you are at your weakest moment in life, but then completely turn their back against you in a split second? It hurts even more when it comes from a family member, someone you look up to.

Recently, I had been spiraling downwards from some of the things that I had been going through. My mother, helped me to get up. She helped me to regain my confidence and was glad (or so I thought) when I came up with a new plan. I know I had disappointed my family greatly, and the fact that they were both on board gave me the certainty that life was going to be alright. The confusion in my brain was gone. The stress that was killing me subsided. I felt steady again.

It’s just that a part of me expected this from my mother. She helped me start my new path, but the end goal was to always go back to my original path. She doesn’t care what I do right now, as long as next year I get back to my pre-med track. It just hurts because I’ve mentioned to her how I’ve been going through countless panic attacks and doubts. She has this assumption that what I’m going through is a phase that lasts only for one year. How do I possibly tell her that this may not be a phase and that she is confusing me even more?

Do I follow the path that my parents want for me and risk my happiness? Or do I follow my path and risk my parent’s happiness? Either way, I become selfish by ruining my dreams or ruining theirs. I just thought that everything was stable, but she bought me back to the treading waters in which I once again drown in the disappointment that I have for myself. Now what do I do? It seems like time is moving too fast, the future is coming too close, and decisions are getting harder to make.

YOU SAID MOVE ON, WHERE DO I GO?

 

It’s not like you were an epic love or anything. You just happened to be wherever I was on accident. You looked right into my eyes and not anywhere else. You spoke to me with all the words that were stored in my heart. You were the one that made me forget about who I thought was my epic love.

Now, it’s all in the past. That part of you doesn’t exist anymore. That part of me doesn’t exist anymore.

You said you’ll see me around. How long of a time will that be?

Not because I’m desperate to be with you, but because I want to see you. You made me feel things that I haven’t felt for a long time. You awakened parts of me. You showed me to find bravery in fear. You helped me fight some of my hardest battles by just standing on the other side of the room. Just your presence, made me feel like I could grasp the world. I could do anything, be anything, say anything. You would agree because even a part of you felt the same.

How is it possible to move on after meeting someone like you? Do I wish as if I had never met you at all? Do I pretend that someone like you never existed?

That “you” from a few months ago is gone. That “me” from a few months ago is gone.

Even though we’re lost somewhere in the past, I will never forget you. You gave me some of the best moments that the world deprived me of. Just like my faith, I know you were sent in my life for a reason.

So I don’t blame you for leaving me detached and broken because I know you weren’t a bad person. Like all good things, they eventually have to leave so better things can enter.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M FEELING TWENTY

I have turned 20! Goodbye teenage years. Goodbye emotions running all over the place. Goodbye to all the crushes that never worked out. Goodbye to high school memories, even though I’m in college. Goodbye to childhood.

I have turned 20! Hello excitement. Hello 21 in less than a year. Hello new adventures abroad. Hello new adventures in America. Hello new friends. Hello heartbreaks. Hello love. Hello work. Hello almost being done with school. Hello to grad school. Hello married life. Hello kids. Hello music festivals. Hello Comic-Con. Hello optimism.

Being here for two decades, I can honestly say that I have lived, but have not lived fully. Don’t get me wrong. There have been some pretty amazing things that I’ve done so far in my life. However, I want more. I want to do more. That’s why I have taken it upon myself, my birthday wish to myself, to do whatever the hell I want. This doesn’t mean to go out and YOLO every single day, but rather to evaluate my life, my goals, and my dreams. I want to make my wishes come true. So I am changing. I’m choosing to live according to the life that I want.

Are you like me or nothing like me at all?

Mucho love,

XOXO

HOLD MY HAND AND NEVER LET GO

 

Is it me or is hand-holding the most romantic gesture ever? Like this thing is so simple, yet its complex at the same time. Hand holding means serious business. It means that where I walk is where you walk. It means when I fall down, you fall down. It means when I get up, you get up. You get the jist. Whoever invented this knew that love was when one hand was tightly intertwined with another. It is knowing that a part of me and a part of you is meant to be connected, as love should always be.

So screw everything else, hold my hand and I’m yours.

Are you like me or nothing like me at all?

Mucho love,

XOXO