Author Archives: timewillwait2013

But The Glass Always Breaks

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So I am keeping up on my resolution….yay at least I’m doing something right! So this week has been bittersweet. It’s my last first week of school and honestly, all i’ve been feeling is estatic. There’s probably like 118 days of school left now, but who’s counting really? After the first week hit, I realized how much I HATE this place, and also how much I am going to MISS this place. For 5 years, this school has given me a roller coaster of a ride, a ride which I will never forget. It blessed me with amazing friends and chilling experience. It has given me lots of success, but many failures as well. Now that it’s all about to be over, I can finally breathe and say that I made it through this storm and can leave this place with the intention of never coming back here. (Except maybe in 10 years from now when I will bring my future daughter and warn her to never go this school) 

In case you can’t tell…I AM READY TO BE DONE AND READY TO LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Also, my school charges you $75 regardless of whether you go to graduation or not! How ridiculous is that?

One Chance To Keep From Falling

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Well I made it my resolution to write. I have so many things going on in my mind that it just seems best to write all these thoughts down. I have learned that writing down thoughts is not only therapeutic to the writer, but also to the reader. I find myself scrolling the many wonders of the Internet and my heart melts when I see something that resonates perfectly with me. There is a comfort in knowing that your feelings are shared with someone else. There is a comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone and that there are others like you.

Well, this is a year for new chances and new beginnings. I am graduating. Holy cow! It really starts to hit you when you realize that you have only 129 days left. I get to graduate with a degree that is pretty much useless, but this is a new year and a new me…so I am not going to stop myself from the limits of the world.

I’m taking the GMAT next month. Woah. I’m applying to MBA schools. Woah. Granted this wasn’t always my plan, but plans are meant to change aren’t they? Apparently it is recommended to study around 120 hours in order to do well in GMAT….WOAH! I studied about two hours, so I guess I am 1/60 of the way done (see my math skills). However, the more I understand and answer questions, the more comfortable I feel knowing that if a question similar to this came on the test, I would get it correct.

Credit: http://anditslove.tumblr.com/image/107929710966

Send some well wishes my way!

DON’T NEED ANOTHER PERFECT LIE

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Credit: http://24.media.tumblr.com/
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Ever look into the eyes of someone you trust and find compassion in them? Look closely, for you may have not seen them wince.

It just doesn’t make sense. How can someone give you confidence and understanding when you are at your weakest moment in life, but then completely turn their back against you in a split second? It hurts even more when it comes from a family member, someone you look up to.

Recently, I had been spiraling downwards from some of the things that I had been going through. My mother, helped me to get up. She helped me to regain my confidence and was glad (or so I thought) when I came up with a new plan. I know I had disappointed my family greatly, and the fact that they were both on board gave me the certainty that life was going to be alright. The confusion in my brain was gone. The stress that was killing me subsided. I felt steady again.

It’s just that a part of me expected this from my mother. She helped me start my new path, but the end goal was to always go back to my original path. She doesn’t care what I do right now, as long as next year I get back to my pre-med track. It just hurts because I’ve mentioned to her how I’ve been going through countless panic attacks and doubts. She has this assumption that what I’m going through is a phase that lasts only for one year. How do I possibly tell her that this may not be a phase and that she is confusing me even more?

Do I follow the path that my parents want for me and risk my happiness? Or do I follow my path and risk my parent’s happiness? Either way, I become selfish by ruining my dreams or ruining theirs. I just thought that everything was stable, but she bought me back to the treading waters in which I once again drown in the disappointment that I have for myself. Now what do I do? It seems like time is moving too fast, the future is coming too close, and decisions are getting harder to make.

YOU SAID MOVE ON, WHERE DO I GO?

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It’s not like you were an epic love or anything. You just happened to be wherever I was on accident. You looked right into my eyes and not anywhere else. You spoke to me with all the words that were stored in my heart. You were the one that made me forget about who I thought was my epic love.

Now, it’s all in the past. That part of you doesn’t exist anymore. That part of me doesn’t exist anymore.

You said you’ll see me around. How long of a time will that be?

Not because I’m desperate to be with you, but because I want to see you. You made me feel things that I haven’t felt for a long time. You awakened parts of me. You showed me to find bravery in fear. You helped me fight some of my hardest battles by just standing on the other side of the room. Just your presence, made me feel like I could grasp the world. I could do anything, be anything, say anything. You would agree because even a part of you felt the same.

How is it possible to move on after meeting someone like you? Do I wish as if I had never met you at all? Do I pretend that someone like you never existed?

That “you” from a few months ago is gone. That “me” from a few months ago is gone.

Even though we’re lost somewhere in the past, I will never forget you. You gave me some of the best moments that the world deprived me of. Just like my faith, I know you were sent in my life for a reason.

So I don’t blame you for leaving me detached and broken because I know you weren’t a bad person. Like all good things, they eventually have to leave so better things can enter.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M FEELING TWENTY

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Credit: https://timewillwaitblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/fa81d-20thbirthdayimagelogo.jpg

I have turned 20! Goodbye teenage years. Goodbye emotions running all over the place. Goodbye to all the crushes that never worked out. Goodbye to high school memories, even though I’m in college. Goodbye to childhood.

I have turned 20! Hello excitement. Hello 21 in less than a year. Hello new adventures abroad. Hello new adventures in America. Hello new friends. Hello heartbreaks. Hello love. Hello work. Hello almost being done with school. Hello to grad school. Hello married life. Hello kids. Hello music festivals. Hello Comic-Con. Hello optimism.

Being here for two decades, I can honestly say that I have lived, but have not lived fully. Don’t get me wrong. There have been some pretty amazing things that I’ve done so far in my life. However, I want more. I want to do more. That’s why I have taken it upon myself, my birthday wish to myself, to do whatever the hell I want. This doesn’t mean to go out and YOLO every single day, but rather to evaluate my life, my goals, and my dreams. I want to make my wishes come true. So I am changing. I’m choosing to live according to the life that I want.

Are you like me or nothing like me at all?

Mucho love,

XOXO

HOLD MY HAND AND NEVER LET GO

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Is it me or is hand-holding the most romantic gesture ever? Like this thing is so simple, yet its complex at the same time. Hand holding means serious business. It means that where I walk is where you walk. It means when I fall down, you fall down. It means when I get up, you get up. You get the jist. Whoever invented this knew that love was when one hand was tightly intertwined with another. It is knowing that a part of me and a part of you is meant to be connected, as love should always be.

So screw everything else, hold my hand and I’m yours.

Are you like me or nothing like me at all?

Mucho love,

XOXO

AN ACT OF KINDNESS

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I was in my dorm room when I got an email saying that my package had arrived. I look out the window and its dark clouds, rumbling thunder, and pouring rain. I could have waited until tomorrow, but packages excite me! Mainly because I have no idea what they might be. I decide to just go outside. I love rain so whatever. I went out with just a hoodie since my umbrella was broken. I climb down the stairs when I see a guy a few feet away from me. He was saying good-bye to his friend, but turned and looked at me as well. He walked a little slower and I didn’t think too much of it. I didn’t even pay attention to him, just knew he was there. Anyways, he sees me shuddering in the rain and says:

Guy: “Where are you going?”

So I tell him. He’s a student, not some random perv.

Guy: “We can share my umbrella since I’m going the same way”

It was the most sweetest thing ever. He dropped me all the way to my building before he left. It was a simple act of kindness and it just made the rest of my day even brighter. It made me want to do something nice in return for someone else.

Imagine if we did one nice thing for a random person each day. It would not only make us feel better, but it would make the world a nicer place. Anyways, this was just something that made me smile inside so I thought I should share. Faith in humanity restored!

Mucho love,

XOXO

I’M GONNA MAKE THIS PLACE YOU’RE HOME

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I was driving home from picking up groceries when I heard “Home” by Phillip Phillips. I was listening to the lyrics and wondered to how my home had changed. Since kindergarten to high school, I’ve been living with my parents. Going to school from 7am-4pm and then coming home to my parents, that was my life. Ever since I went to college, home shifted. My home in Illinois was not my home anymore. I still remember coming home after my midterms during freshman year. I stepped into the door and it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same as coming home from junior high or high school. My house was empty. My parents were living there, but it just made me realize how empty the house would be from now on without my sister and I. It went from a house that sheltered four, to now two.

The perception of what my sister and I call home is where our colleges are, where our friends are, where are jobs are. Since none of that is in Illinois, it feels different going back to Illinois during school breaks. To think, this is just the beginning. Home will change again once we graduate and go onwards to better things.

I guess home isn’t just one place. It’s a bunch of places where you left your books, your heart, your family, your friend, your co-worker, your teacher, your diploma, and much more. Home is that one place you poop comfortably because I have never met one person who can poop at a friend’s house. That would be awkward.

Truth is, home is not where family is, but rather where you are at that point in life.

Are you like me or nothing like me at all?

Mucho love,
XOXO

O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN

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Credit: https://timewillwaitblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/8e5b9-girls-at-the-beach.jpg

 

Well, I’ve been back from my road trip! It was one of the best trips ever as it was not only fun, but inspirational. This was my first road trip so that’s why it was a little short. It was just me and my best friend and it taught me what it really is like to be on your own. For that brief period of time, I was independent and free. All I could think about was: So this is what the real world feels like.

 So today we decided to go to the beach and it was way too hot outside. We decided to spend some time shopping at the mall and then going later, when it would be a little cooler. We ended up going to the beach around 8:30 at night. I know right? There’s nothing to do at night….BUT…

It was amazing! We missed the sunset on the beach, but we saw much more. We saw the colors that it left behind. The sky was a mix of dark red, hot pink, pink, light pink, and finally blue. It was beautiful! We just walked along the beach and stayed close to shore mainly I’m the only one in my family who can swim.

As I lay my feet in sand, cold numbing water came right through my feet, sticking the sand into the little crevices between my toes. I jumped back, but five seconds later I was back in the water. I can swim, but I’m a little scared of water. Is that weird…yes, it kind of is.

Water is beautiful and scary at the same time. From looking afar, it seems calm and there’s this serenity that it brings. However, as soon as you come up close, it’s like this anger and rush coming straight at you. Water is one of those intriguing mesmerizing wonders that freaks me out, but I can’t help but to keep going closer to it for more.

Are you like me or nothing like me at all?

P.S. Which beaches are the best to check out? (preferably somewhere near Illinois)

Mucho love,

XOXO